Gender Language Issues or Do You Speak Kindergarten?

My husband has to remind me when we do projects together to speak in non-female language. He is convinced, having worked with a lot of ladies over the years, that most females speak without using specific nouns. This is especially true when giving directions, which is where he and I most often encounter this language problem.

For example, I'll say, "Put that over there." Now, since he is rarely looking just at me, and can't look at me at the same time he is looking at the objects, he is never sure what object I'm trying to get him to move. "That what?" he says. "That one there!" I say pointing. I mean, in my mind, it is obvious which one I mean, and when I work with other women, this whole problem never appears. Finally, I try to give more info, "the yellow one. No, not that yellow one! The thing! The yellow thing! Yes, THAT one. Now move it over there, no over there! Up higher. More to the left. Next to that one!" Sigh.

It doesn't help that most men speak in colors with only those colors present in an eight count box of crayons. An object can only be black, brown, red, yellow, orange, blue, green, or purple. Sometimes, they will allow you to use the words light or dark before the color name. Very early in our marriage, I gave in on the issue of brown; he saw light brown, brown, and dark brown. Tan, beige, creme, sand, taupe, sienna, golden brown, beach, and other shades didn't exist. After a while, I wasn't sure they did, either. I read an article once by the Crayola people describing this very issue.

Then he taught me to speak in what I later dubbed Kindergarten. Now I know, when we do projects to speak like this: "You see the small yellow cube that is next to the large triangular red vase? Please pick that yellow cube up and move it to the 2ND wooden bookshelf from the left, and 3rd shelf from the top. Put it on the right side, between the green cube and the blue book." I have to tell you, after all that, I'm exhausted! It would have been quicker to do it myself!

There seems to be an intuitive language that women speak, that men do not easily learn. HE claims that, when my friends and I speak, we don't always finish sentences, or even worse, one friend will be able to finish the other friend's sentence.

For these reasons, he hates to play the game Taboo in teams of women vs men. He says the men will lose every time. He believes there is some sort of psychic connection between the women, that allows them to say something like "Olive Garden" and the other women say "bread sticks." He claims women play Taboo by describing experiences, whereas men will try to give the hidden word an exact meaning, like "6 inches long, made of wheat, has garlic, served hot," by which time, the buzzer has buzzed. Women's clue "tired, cold, feeling blue, cup" and men's "made from a plant from the Orient, small leaves dried and then served by boiling water and pouring it over the leaves and then straining the leaves out" both of which clue sets get you to tea.

So, having experienced this numerous times and observing it happen many times in public and at parties and in meetings, I have found it helpful to recount this to parents of Kindergartners. Why?

Teaching kindergarten at home is largely a matter of having the mother change the way she talks. Colors, sizes, directions, and order are great parts of kindergarten curricula. Instead of "Use that one for that part.", we should say, "Use your yellow crayon, which is on your right, and color the left clown's hat yellow."

Many other aspects of Kindergarten involve teaching the child both to observe and work specifically. That is, we increase their skills and vocabulary for specific objects and habits.

Did you know that left and right are not innate concepts? Some cultures DO write from right to left, instead of left to right. Has anyone done research on whether dyslexia is prevalent in other cultures? I mean, while reading left to right is correct in America, that child who wants to read from right to left would be quite at home in say, Israel or Japan. In those countries, he does not have a brain problem or learning disability. The same is true for top to bottom. We in America read from top to bottom. Some cultures read from bottom to top. Then there are those that read from bottom to top and from right to left. So obviously, the order pattern of reading is not built into the mind, since it varies by culture. I have yet to see any research on reading that acknowledges this simple idea. Let me know if you have seen any, and where it is. That could mean we're trying to fix a problem by tackling the brain, that may not be the kind of brain problem we think it is. Maybe it really is a teaching problem, something all parents, regardless of where their child is educated, must pursue.

One of my own children had issues in this area. I had to put an index card above what he read, because his eyes tended to drift upwards when he read. (Weak eye muscles can also be part of this issue.) I also drew a tiny car on the left bottom edge - the one that would be next to the words beneath it - so he'd know from which side to start each time. I didn't give him any pressure, except for me holding that card in position and acting like what he was experiencing was normal. We spent a lot of time working on left and right as well as left to right, and I mean weeks of time where I made sure left and right were mentioned every 10 or 15 minutes, but not saying he had to learn it. Eventually, he did, and after that, he had no trouble with reading order. Later, he taught karate classes and said that right/left order was such a frequent problem that he had begun to assume it would be a problem for kids until he worked with them. Apparently, the same issues arose with men in his Army boot camp life, but he knew how to deal with it to help them.

My ideal kindergarten curricula would include lots of hands on time using play dough, crayons, and art materials. It would include learning the letters and numbers, learning community helpers and holidays, learning how to observe in nature and then describe what one does observe. It would include learning how to behave in a mannerly and respectful way to all peoples, not just by looking at lists of rules, but by interacting with people and seeing the parents properly interacting with other people. Time would also be spent talking about and experiencing other cultures, often through food and costumes, sometimes by attending fairs, or visiting people of different cultures, or finding recipes on the Internet or watching cultures on the Internet. Penmanship would come via a tablet and samples of Dr. Seuss sayings from Fox in Sox or from Oh Say Can You Say or other tongue twisters. Few materials would have to be bought. Most of all, mom (and dad) would need to remember to talk specifically.

First grade is time enough for the next step upwards. These are my thoughts, remembering how I brought my own three kids and helped many others get their kids through kindergarten. Maybe these ideas will help you. You can do it. We'll help you, but you'll be surprised how good it is. What do you think?