You Asked for It

Announcing: All those who read and post a reply to the Principally Sandy blog will have their email name entered into a monthly contest for a free item, usually a gift card to a national establishment, such as Starbucks, McDonald's, Barnes & Nobles, Amazon, etc. You get one entry per blog that I write that month. If your name is drawn by one of my compadres in the office, we will email you to find out how to send you the card. One post per person per month per blog entry written by me. If you have questions, email me at SANDYHOME@aol.com, subject line "blog question." Emails do not count as blog entry replies. Let the October contest begin!
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You Asked For It

Sometimes, I find myself in circumstances I can't figure out for a while. Very often, I realize I asked for these things to come about. I've prayed for certain things to change in me. I pray to be more this, to be more that.... those were MY prayers. Little did I realize that I was praying for a result that required a certain road to be walked. Usually, I didn't just pray for it once, but over and over again, confirming my request so to speak.

Then, I find myself in a situation. Usually, just about the time I'm coming to the end of that road, I begin to understand how I got there. I haven't yet figured out if the road is ending because I began to understand, or if my understanding brought me to the end of that road. I ponder that.

I've always been convinced of the wonderfulness of heaven. A part of me feels like I'm sort of living there already, staying here because I have work left to do. In fact, I've joked with friends that I'm not afraid of dying; I'm just afraid of maiming. That is, dying has an obvious upside, but living in pain long term is something I couldn't imagine being able to do.

So for several years, I have had a lot of pain with which to deal. My knees are bad, both genetically apparently as well as just too much bad usage. In fact, I've had two arthroscopic surgeries on them and would have replacement surgery, but "they" say I'm too young, and I say I haven't got enough time to put in my outlook calendar for that. And did you know, you get shorter with each knee replacement? That's where the too young part comes in, because fake knees only last maybe ten years, and then you do it again. So each time, you get a smidge shorter.

I also have a bad wrist and another that is also weak. This also makes carrying things difficult. I have some ankle issues, and some other varying problems. Some days are really good, and some are really bad, and most days are somewhere in the middle, usually leaning towards one end.

Over the course of these experiences, my attitudes toward pain and healing have gone through a lot. I've believed and repented and prayed and read books and gone to conferences and gone to things where people healed, etc. And I'm here today. So I've come to some limited peace with my current theological position on this. My attitude towards a lot of people has changed, and not just towards those who have outward, visible handicaps. I'm a lot nicer, a lot more empathetic. I have a lot more faith when I pray for others' healings as well, and I don't blame them when it doesn't seem to have happened. And more and more often, God does reach out and heal people when I pray with them, not because of who I am, but because I'm more likely to get out of His way so He can work. By delaying my healings, He has made me more desirous of seeing them healed so that they don't have to go through pain - whatever the type - any more.

And I've seen Him do marvelous things despite my pains as well. I've been able to trek in mountains, visit other countries, go places & do things no one expected this little Texas country girl to go or do. Yea God! He supplies me with the strength and peace I need to follow Him. I mean, it doesn't say, "Go and tell all the nations when your knees feel better. Teach when your wrist doesn't hurt." It DOES say "...and I will be with you." And He has been. And He always paves the way, often so well that I feel like God's girlfriend. Yea God!

So, I had one of those moments like in the TV commercial for V-8 yesterday. I almost hit myself in the head saying, "Duh! I prayed that God would show me that I could live whatever came." I am, in my own little way, living life a bit maimed. Sure, I'm not maimed as much as some, but my life has enough pain for me to say, yes, I AM a bit maimed. Life IS a Via Dolorosa. I understand a tiny bit better the road He walked through life. And, because He is who He says He is, I can live with maiming. I know it now. I mean, I really know it now.

I've also realized that He experienced pain for a lot longer than that one day dragging a cross through Jerusalem. From the moment He was born (maybe in utero), He experienced the pain of being out of the Father's presence. Some people even believe that is part of the definition of hell.... eternally living totally outside God's presence. Yet Jesus lived that way from day one of His human life for, some say, 33 years. He was separated physically from living totally in the Father's presence. He set aside glory and heaven and eternity to be confined in a human body and to trust that the Father and Holy Spirit would bring it all to pass as it should and bring Him back into heaven. He put His trust in the Father to make His life perfect. He gave up the amazingness of heaven and the sounds and colors of glory and the allness of God's perfection to come here. That's suffering. I mean, we talk about the suffering missionaries in 3rd world countries, and then accept blame for living in America where God put us. Yet the worst 3rd world country's lifestyle difference compared to the best 1st world country {oh, and you're not allowed to call them 1st world because it would sound either proud or make the 2nd and 3rds feel bad - an economic professor told a class of us that fact}, the worst 3rd world country compared to the best 1st world country is a tiny difference compared to what Jesus gave up to come here and live by our standards. He was suffering daily for over 30 years! The best day here is infinitely bad compared to the worst day in heaven. ** So He suffered daily, and I prayed to live like Jesus lived. Lots of times. And then some more times.

So, whatever pain you live with - emotional, physical, spiritual - let me encourage you as much as I can. God will walk with you through this experience. Mostly, you won't understand it for awhile. And some people will give you one of those "be warmed and be filled" prayers the Bible warns against either by saying you must lack faith or by saying something else that seems, in the end, to blame you so they don't feel bad. Some days, just focusing on Him is about all you can do. And yet, it may be sweeter. It is for me. Mostly I see it now. Mostly. And He heals. I don't understand the timing of that. Mostly I see it, though, eventually. Mostly.

We had to take Blood-Borne Pathogens training. In that, you are told to assume everyone has a blood-borne disease. Treat their injuries as if they do, and you will be safe. So, from that and from daily pain, I've learned this important lesson. Be nice to others. Really nice. You don't know what they are experiencing and only sometimes will we know why while we are here. Assume they are in pain. Love them and be nice. It works. Mostly.

Expect good things today!
Sandy

** And days in heaven are not the same forever. Ask me about that some time.